Keep writing.JohnThomas63118Report 2014-05-14 22:11:14First, this is a good story and imagining, a very nice start to a possible great serial. Only a suggestion. Xx video Changing from 1st to 3rd should be avoided but if you going to do it start a new paragraph each time. PLS MAKE ANOTHER!!!«12» Keep writing.JohnThomas63118Report 2014-05-14 22:11:14First, this is a good story and imagining, a very nice start to a possible great serial. My sister said, “good night,” as she closed the door. Only a suggestion. I heard in her mind, ‘god he so cute and I just want to fuck his brains out.’ The double is heard and the single is thoughts. I would suggest keeping to one perspective at a time. To help the reader to understand or realize how the message is being delivered.

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